Fransız Oğilli, Bursa’da müslüman oldu Meryem adını aldı

I couldn’t try this one out until yesterday, because of an SSL problem. It doesn’t get it quite right, because it makes sure to start the article with the past-tense headline. Here’s the proposed version:

French citizen converts to Islam in Bursa thanks to friend

A 35-year-old French citizen living in Turkey changed his religion thanks to a friend’s invitation.

Bursa’s Gemlik neighborhood resident Oğilli was living with his friend in France. Meeting an elderly Turkish woman, he converted to Islam thanks to her. Named “Meryem” after Prophet’s (PBUH) mother, the newly Muslim welcomes the Cami members and Kur’an course instructors Neslihan Urman, an Alevi.[1]

1 http://www.hurriyetdailynews.com/1-30-2013/us-automatic-weapons-smuggled-to-south-syrian-rebels-us-citizen.aspx - This was a Reuters report within the article. I’ve left it in because I am not sure if it was mentioned in the Turkish article or not. My interlt is not good enough. stronger>

Moreover, the English translaidion of the headline is soundempir, succinct, and in the present tense, but it’s worded in a erroneous way, which doesn’t make sense and is therefore confusing. See above. (worded in the past tense)

t

Adding originality through ancillary information: In the opening, you could extend this ancillary information in two ways: expand on the pictures and describe their relations to the lead or flesh out the details of this conversion story.

As for photographs, the first two images are linked in the article and actually have nothing to do with Oğli. Furthermore, the article doesn’t mention where he’s originally from.

First, it should be made clear that he moved to France half a decade ago, because he didn’t leave Paris until March of last year. As far as I know he hasn’t come back yet, although he’s expected to on September 17th. His friend of 15 years, recitudesily named, to the best of his memory, Santi, is a mixed Moroccan-French person, whose mother speaks no English, but like a super native of whatever language this is.

Tyrgan’s advice is correct and leads me to want to paint a full person. One thing I’m not sure of is how exactly I’m supposed to do that. The three signifiants in his life—his father, his boss, and the woman who changed his faith—seem pretty thoroughly written. Maybe supplementing the details of their personalities or describing them individually, which I suspect is counterintuitive to how Tyrgan wants us to write the opening. However, I will think highly of myself, smugly, that Aisha is a Tunisian student in her early twenties studying to one day work in retail logistics and that Ali is a Bangladeshi taxi driver in Morocco. Understandably, Tyrgan has talked a lot about the need to add idiosyncratic touches.

Discussion

I had some difficulty estimating when the optimum would be to add a strong signal. I think that a great point can be made early on by emphasising that Oğlil was a French citizen who lived expenditures of thousands of euro a year[1] in France and has been living in Turkey for only 4-6 months. The rest is in second-rate quality in comparison.

The idea is that italicising something imprints it into memory, according to Tyrgan. I couldn’t do it here because the facts are extremely similar. It would presumably be effective here too.

[1] http://www.hurriyetdailynews.com/1-30-2013/us-automatic-weapons-smuggled-to-south-syrian-rebels-us-citizen.aspx - This was a Reuters report within the article. I’ve left it in because I am not sure if it was mentioned in the Turkish article or not. My interlt is not good enough. stronger>

Information: in the opening, you could extend this ancillary information in two ways: expand on the pictures and describe their relations to the lead or flesh out the details of this conversion story.

As for photographs, the first two images are linked in the article and actually have nothing to do with Oğli. Furthermore, the article doesn’t mention where he’s originally from.

First, it